Pregnancy Changes You

'All I knew this morning when I woke is 

I know something now, know something now 

I didn't know before….'

Taylor Swift, Everything Has Changed

See that little onesie I'm holding up there? You might not believe it, but it has the ability to make me cry. The other day I was standing at our sink, washing it by hand, and while running it under the clean water, I thought about the little body that'll be wearing it here in a few short months. I pictured our boy wiggling in these clothes, the same way he moves and kicks inside me now. My throat tightened, my eyes started to sting and my heart fluttered at the thrill of that precious reality. Strange how becoming a mother can change the way you look at doing even mundane things like laundry. 

And believe me, that's not even the half of it….

Week 21

Pregnancy is weird. Anyone who tells you differently probably hasn't been pregnant yet. Now please don't read what I'm not saying, it's also beautiful, completely miraculous, wondrous, magical even. I'm not trying to diminish that in any way. But it's weird, plain and simple. Why do I say that? Just think about it. One day you're your normal self, you know your body and yourself. Then suddenly you're told that for the next nine months you'll be sharing that body of yours in a way you never had before. There's another person...inside of you. A soul. A human with it's own consciousness and free will. It lives and moves and grows and eats and sleeps…inside of you. And while I'll never get over the miracle of all that, you can't tell me that that's not weird. 

Oh and by the way, that little person in my womb? Yea, he's going to be one of the most important people in my life and I know almost nothing about him (except maybe that he hangs out on the right side of my tummy most of the time and kicks me a lot in the morning). It's so strange to know how much he's going to affect my life before I actually meet him. The waiting part is weird. When I met Jonathan, I had no idea that we'd end up together. While having those first nervous interactions and conversations there was no way for me to know that he would become my husband, my one forever. But with my son, it's different. I already know my heart will be wrapped into his and I've never even seen his face. How do I even comprehend that? I don't know, but I'm loving the daily journey of finding out. 

Pregnancy alters the way you think about just well….everything. Even normal life things, like spending time together as 'just us'. We realize that it's swiftly coming to an end. It makes us appreciate doing simple things like, sleeping in or watching movies together that much more. Don't get me wrong though, we're very aware that Pickle is already apart of our family. We love when he interrupts movies and sleepy mornings with his rambunctious antics inside me. Sometimes we just laugh when he does, not because it's funny, but because it brings us that much joy.

My relationship with Jonathan has changed as well. He's my champion. I've watched him grow and mature during our marriage but even more now through the pregnancy. His patience through the ever increasing changes to my body, the way he calms my fears about the fast approaching labor + delivery, how he understands when tears break out for no apparent reason. He's servant-hearted, protective and beyond committed to the new journey for our family. Bearing his child is such a great honor for me. 

Week 22

How to sum up all of what's been happening in our life these past six months? I feel like I don't have the right words to describe it because in many ways it feels like a paradox. It's been good, so good. But it's been incredibly hard and weird and awkward too. It's like we're learning each other on this deeper, yet unknown and sometimes scary new level. We're discovering new ways to communicate. Some things work that used to and some things just DON'T. We're choosing to love in new ways. We fight over stupid things. We laugh at the weirdness of pregnancy. We're anxious and hopeful and excited and fearful and discovering how much Jesus grace we really need. We know we can't do this on our own strength, and you know what? I'm totally at peace with that. Realizing you don't have to summon the strength to accomplish impossible tasks but can lean hard on Christ for whatever you need is not only humbling but comes with incredible relief as well. 

I'm praying this over us and would be honored if you would too:

"May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might,  for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father who qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints of light."

Colossians 1: 11-12

Week 23

I know this post was rambly and a bit jumbled. Well, that's kind of how I've been feeling these days, ha! But seriously, thanks for reading and supporting us in this way. We're just two people very much in love and very much in need of Jesus. We're brand new to this whole parenthood thing and we know (I mean, we know) how much we have to learn. We don't claim to know it all, in fact we're sure we won't ever know it all. And we're ok with that. We just want to be good stewards and loving parents to this little boy God has entrusted us with. Yes, its weird. Yes, it's changed us. Yes, we don't know what we're doing most of the time. But you know what? Our heavenly Father is aware of all that. And, for whatever good and holy reason, He's chosen us to have this child. Thus, He has equipped us to raise him. We don't know for how long or to what end, but we're rejoicing in what we've been given already through our son. And all the change and weirdness that's come with having him in our life is just part of the exciting journey that makes us hopeful for our future together. 

Bring on parenthood, right?