He’s laying on that hospital bed all ready to go in for
surgery number five. I’m sitting with him in this small room on an
uncomfortable chair. We wait. Nurses come in and out, they talk to us, hook up
the IV and try to make him comfortable. Everyone is nice. But I just want it to
be over with.
In the midst of nurses coming in and out to prep Jonathan,
when no one else is around, he hands me his wedding band. You’re not allowed to
wear any kind of jewelry in surgery. I take it from him and feel the weight of
it in my hand, it feels so heavy. He tells me to put his ring on my necklace so
I won’t lose it.
“What?!” I think, “This necklace isn’t strong enough to hold
that bulky ring.”
The chain holding the diamonds in the shape of the heart,
close to my heart, is beautiful but delicate. It’s the necklace he gave me on
the day I became his wife. It’s precious to me and I’m very unsure of placing
his tungsten carbide metal band on it, surely the weight of his ring would snap
the chain.
I shake my head, “It’s too thin.” I tell him that I’m afraid
his wedding band is too heavy for the necklace, “It’ll break it.” I say.
He just rolls his eyes at me. This man knows me well. He’s all
too aware of how much of a worrier I am. He just smiles, gives me those ‘come
on, trust me’ eyes and hands me his ring. I undo the chain from around my neck
and thread the heavy circle of metal onto it. I feel the weight of the ring pull
my necklace down on my chest.
Is this what he feels all the time? Not the weight of the
ring, but the weight of responsibility that comes with being a husband?
If you
look at Scripture, the requirements that God places on the husband are not for
the faint of heart. God designed that the man should be the head of the home.
He is held accountable for his family. Yes, we are all held accountable to God
for our personal decisions, I realize that. But being the head of the home, the
husband is responsible for the spiritual direction of the family.
For the
husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His
body, and is Himself it’s Savior. Ephesians
5:23
But I
want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife
is her husband and the head Christ is God. 1
Corinthians 11:3
That
isn’t something to be taken lightly. And Jonathan knows it.
I asked him about it weeks later, after the surgery. What does
the responsibility of being a husband feel like to you? He told me that there’s
pride in being a husband, pride in the fact that you’ve been entrusted with so
much. But also the fear of failing.
He said, “It’s like representing your
country in the Olympics. Everyone is watching you and you just can’t let them
down.”
“How serious are you about being the leader in the home?” I
asked.
He admitted to me that sometimes he doesn’t take it seriously
enough (I so much appreciate his humble honesty!).
“I need to take it as
seriously as I take my next breath.” He said. “My wife and, one day, children
depend on me. I am responsible.”
Maybe sometimes Jonathan looks at himself and feels like I did
when I looked at the chain for my necklace. I thought it was to weak to hold
his ring and maybe he feels to weak to carry all this responsibility.
Sometimes, I know, he feels like he just can’t do it. It is overwhelming.
I also asked him how he deals with feeling overwhelmed. His
answer made me proud:
He said, “You take on the role of being the husband with joy
because it’s a privilege God has given you.”
I know that Jonathan gets scared of his own limitations at
times. But that doesn’t stop him from trusting God and accepting this
responsibility. And it doesn’t stop him from everyday trying to please God in
how he handles all the demands of being the leader in our home. But Jonathan is human and he doesn’t always get it right. God
knows that we are weak, Scripture tells us that,
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord
shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He know our frame; He remembers
that we are dust.” Psalm 103:13-14
He knows with His power we can do the impossible. Even be a God-glorifying husband. God works abundantly in grace.
And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16
The day he had his surgery I placed that ring on my necklace
and it was heavy. At times I thought it might break, but it didn’t. The necklace held.
And kept holding together all through his surgery until afterwards when he was
in recovery and put his wedding band back on. He’s told me before how he doesn’t like not
wearing it, he feels incomplete without it.
And how incomplete are we without the awareness of our
limitations but moreso, the foundational truth that,
“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13
I’m so proud of the husband that God has given me. He is a
very precious gift. But much more than that I realize, and am very grateful, of
the grace of Jesus Christ and the working of the Holy Spirit. Without it, we
would snap under the responsibilities that God has given us. But with it we can
live this life how God intended us to: As husband and wife representing (not at
all perfectly) the love Christ has for His bride, the Church.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My
power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of
Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions,
and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that
having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good
work. 2 Corinthians 9:8
“Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by
itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it
is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5
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On our wedding day, August 20, 2011. First year anniversary coming up very soon! So blessed :)
Picture by Abby Law. |
